Yesterday morning, I decided to pick up and finish reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. For those of you who have never read this book, it is about the recovery and release of a man's heart - his passions, which he has been given by God. It will take you on journey that most men are to ashamed to take, or scared... I only had a few pages left of the book, so why not?
Over the past year I have been struggling with fear, abandonment, anxiety, self-worth, depression, you name it.... Through a series of unfortunate events, I became someone I wasn't. At the core of who I was, and I think most guys can relate, I knew that this wasn't real. When I say real, I mean it wasn't God's design for me. It wasn't abundant life, it was death...
After I finished the book, I went back a couple of chapter and re-read some of "Healing the Wound." I decided it was high time for this... I started to pray and ask for healing. God opened my heart wide open, and I began to experience the release of my heart. I wish I could find words to describe experience, but I can't. I was the most painful, heart-wrenching thing I have ever done. Everything came to the surface... the fear, abondonment, anxiety, depression, resentfulness, insecurity... I had to look at it, face it, and come to the point of reconcilation. For about 45 minutes, I was in a state of distress and out-pouring emotion. It hurt, but God started to heal me.
The next morning, I started praying again for deep healing and restoration, now that I had let go of everything. What happened next can barely be put into words! God opened up my heart again, broke down my fears, my insecurities, resentfulness, depression... I began to weep, but his time these were tears of JOY!!! Instead of fear, insecurity, anxiety, and depression and I felt love, embrace, security, pure joy in such a divine way! I haven't felt the presence of God like that in such a very long time. He is truly healing me... and my joy can barely be contained!
Please be praying for me, I took a very big move today and I will update my blog next week on what happens.
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Joe, I know exactly what you mean! God ripped my heart open with this book as well a few years ago. If and when God comes in to heal those wounds, it's a painful experience, but there is such peace afterward!
ReplyDeleteI would encourage every man out there to read "Wild at Heart," and to have the courage to face those wounds.