Life so Far

First, I want to say thank you for those who have been supporting me in their prayers. God is doing a lot of things in my life. I'm back in school, working and doing Ramcorps at the University of Mobile. I played drums at a great church in Daphne this past weekend, will most likely be going back. I got a house with some pretty cool guys for the year... So all in all, things are going pretty well. I don't have internet yet and barely have a computer so I won't be on here as much.

Ramcorps had our debut concert last Thursday. It was great! A HUGE encouragement to me. We rehearsed 12 hours a day for about three days and went to about 8-9 hour rehearsals for the rest of the week.

I put in my two weeks notice at SBUX last week. The "Starbucks" on campus is going to match my pay rate to work for them. That way, I don't have to drive 20 miles a day into Mobile! Gas isn't getting cheaper at the moment, especially when you drive a clunker!

-Just wanted to give a quick update!

The Journey

Yesterday morning, I decided to pick up and finish reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. For those of you who have never read this book, it is about the recovery and release of a man's heart - his passions, which he has been given by God. It will take you on journey that most men are to ashamed to take, or scared... I only had a few pages left of the book, so why not?

Over the past year I have been struggling with fear, abandonment, anxiety, self-worth, depression, you name it.... Through a series of unfortunate events, I became someone I wasn't. At the core of who I was, and I think most guys can relate, I knew that this wasn't real. When I say real, I mean it wasn't God's design for me. It wasn't abundant life, it was death...

After I finished the book, I went back a couple of chapter and re-read some of "Healing the Wound." I decided it was high time for this... I started to pray and ask for healing. God opened my heart wide open, and I began to experience the release of my heart. I wish I could find words to describe experience, but I can't. I was the most painful, heart-wrenching thing I have ever done. Everything came to the surface... the fear, abondonment, anxiety, depression, resentfulness, insecurity... I had to look at it, face it, and come to the point of reconcilation. For about 45 minutes, I was in a state of distress and out-pouring emotion. It hurt, but God started to heal me.

The next morning, I started praying again for deep healing and restoration, now that I had let go of everything. What happened next can barely be put into words! God opened up my heart again, broke down my fears, my insecurities, resentfulness, depression... I began to weep, but his time these were tears of JOY!!! Instead of fear, insecurity, anxiety, and depression and I felt love, embrace, security, pure joy in such a divine way! I haven't felt the presence of God like that in such a very long time. He is truly healing me... and my joy can barely be contained!

Please be praying for me, I took a very big move today and I will update my blog next week on what happens.

Finding light in the midst of darkness

Essence is a attribute or a set of attributes that make an object or substance what it fundamentally is, and which it has by necessity, and without which it loses its identity.

Necessity and Identity...

Life comes at you in ways that cannot be described at times. You find yourself wondering - "Why did that happen - Why did God allow me to go through such things?"

I could sit here all day and blame my parents for the way I handle issues, but blaming them would bring nothing but bitterness.... Iv'e been there. It's not a good place to be.

God allows suffering and hardship, now it's time to find truth in it.

"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which {the Lord} has promised to those who love Him. " James 1:12

God allows us to go through such things because He wants to bring things back together, the way they were originally suppose to be. When sin entered he world, it ultimately messed everything up. That's why Jesus came, to redeem all of creation...

"and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting {Himself} to Him who judges righteously;" 1 Peter 2:23

Think about that.... Take what ever your going through and compare it to Jesus. Now, what do most of us do when our lives crumble around us? Who do we blame? God... That is usually everyone's first reaction.

This must change

If you are a believer, you are going to suffer. You are going to encounter things in life you never thought was possible. The world is full of brokenness and suffering.

Suffering is a place where Christian cliche's just don't work anymore. We become numb to them, even if they are truth. It's lonely, scary, ....hopeless.

As followers of Jesus, We have to take our pain and suffering and stare it in the face. We will never know the freedom from it until we face it. We must share it... Sin thrives in darkness - not that suffering is a sin, it can just lead you to do things that you never thought possible. To become free, to be changed, we have to face it, share it, grieve it, and stand on the Truth. That is the kind of community that changes the world. We must acknowledge that we are not ok and seek help.

Following Jesus isn't about managing your sin, it's about becoming the creation you were intended to be.